tonight’s parades in “jeapordy” January 31, 2008
Nola.com, which desperately needs a proof-reader, is reporting that a major storm is headed this way. The super doppler is not looking good. What a drag. If there are high winds and threats of tornadoes, three of the best parades will be cancelled or rescheduled, Babylon, Chaos and Muses. I would hate for that to happen. Muses is my favorite of the big parades, and I was completely charmed by the old-fashioned Chaos last year. Chaos is the closest thing we have to the traditional parades of the past, like Comus. Last year they were throwing packets of cards with drawings of each of their floats.
Captain Stacy Rosenberg, who must be a superwoman, and her group put an unbelievable amount of work and detail into Muses and it would be very disappointing to a lot of people if they have to cancel. They don’t cancel unless it’s a major, major storm and, unfortunately, that might be what they are facing. I’m a member of Muses, but I am still on the waiting list to ride. I’m dying to do it, but this year, with the bar exam, it’s just as well that I can’t. I won’t be able to see the parade at all, even if they do roll, because I’m committed to dinner with out-of-town Divas in the Quarter tonight.
UPDATE: I just received an e-mail from Muses that the parade is being rescheduled for tomorrow night, following Hermes, Krewe d’Etat and Morpheus. That means Friday is going to be a lollapalooza of Mardi Gras parades! I might be able to see it after all, if I don’t get into a coma from Protecting Endangered Pleasures all day long.
By tomorrow, the storm will have passed and it’s supposed to be sunny and in the high 50s for the Divine Protectors of Endangered Pleasures. Be sure to pass by our balcony on Bourbon at Bienville. The Promenade begins at 1:00.
but…but…we’ve got those fancy new garbage cans! January 30, 2008
After I finished my errands yesterday, I decided to drive up to Tulane via Annunciation Street from the Irish Channel to Audubon Park, just because I haven’t driven down that street in a while. The entire street is in such bad shape that it looks like a country road. Many streets Uptown are in bad shape, but Annunciation is a mess. I felt like I was in Abita Springs. Nothing against Abita Springs, it’s one of my favorite places, but Abita Springs actually is a country town and country roads are appropriate there. Uptown New Orleans, on the other hand, is right smack in the middle of the large city that lies at the mouth of the greatest river on the North American continent. Can we get a freakin’ layer of asphalt put on Annunciation Street? I’m just saying.
correspondence
Dear Senator Landrieu: I was disappointed to learn that you recently rewarded a campaign contributor by foisting off his boondoggle “educational software” on unsuspecting school children in Washington, D.C. Thank you for not foisting it off on the unsuspecting school children of New Orleans, who already very busy keeping Ellenese Brooks-Sims and the Jefferson family in business. However did we manage to teach children to read before we had “educational software?”
Dear Senator Edwards: I heard that you are dropping out of the presidential race. I am writing to ask that you consider running for Mayor of New Orleans. I don’t think it matters that you don’t live here. Our current mayor does not live here, either. By the way, have you seen him?
Dear Senator Obama: Now that Senator Edwards is dropping out, I am supporting you for president. Why? Because you are one damn fine-looking man, that’s why. I would much rather look at your handsome face on TV than that mutt, Hillary Clinton. I recently received an e-mail accusing you of fathering a black child. Please tell me it isn’t true. Since you are going to win, I am worried about your…um…health. Please take your vitamins every day, and don’t forget to wear your bullet-proof vest. And don’t accept any rides from Senator Ted Kennedy.
Sincerely yours, Dangerblond
forced heirs and frozen gametes January 29, 2008
I spent the day completely immersed in the wonderful world of Louisiana successions, donations and trusts. I began to feel like I was the Pompatous of Successions, so I attempted to work one of the sample questions from the old exams. When I was finished, I looked at the model answer. Hmmm. I had left out a few the most important things. I broke out in a cold sweat and had to lay down. It seems that I have a lot more work to do.
Nowadays, we not only have the forced heirs to contend with, but we must also deal with frozen gametes which are implanted in the uterus of the wife and then born alive after the husband’s death. Today pretty much quelled any ideas I might have dreamed up about going to any parades. After Diva’s, the Dangerblond Mardi Gras juggernaut is getting mothballed until next year. Ya’ll are just going to have to pull this off without me.
Tonight was out penultimate bar review class. The first part was a wrap up of federal procedure and jurisdiction and the second part consisted of wisdom gleaned over the ages about test-taking strategies and what to do and not do during the testing week.
It reminded me and my friend of our first law school exams and how petrified we were. After our property exam, a guy got in the elevator with us and he said, “Dayum! That co-ownership question kicked my ASS!”
We both looked at each other. Neither one of us remembered a co-ownership question on the property exam. I was devastated for about 15 minutes. When I got home, I put my property books on the shelf and my notes in the garbage without looking at them. I figured, “if I screwed it up, there is nothing I can do about it now.” I still have no idea if there was a co-ownership question on that exam, which I got a “C” on. Since then, I have refused to discuss any exam with anyone after it’s over.
The professor warned us not to try any new activities or new foods during the week of the exam, because a sprained wrist or food poisoning can be your downfall. I remembered last month when I was headed Uptown to take my evening Copyrights exam. Driving down Carrollton, I suddenly felt ravenously hungry and I thought I’d better get something in my tank for the 3-hour test. I stupidly, stupidly grabbed a sandwich and a drink at Subway. Just as the exam started, I began burping, farting and getting the worst kind of uncomfortable indigestion attack. It lasted all the way through the exam, ending only when I was handing in my paper. This was a class that I enjoyed and had studied hard for, and I ended up with a B+. I think I’m going to eat exactly the same boring, bland thing every day of the exam week. I’m also bringing Tums.
Between studying and bar review class, I ran Uptown to buy frilly panties and size 10 patent leather boots for myself and my daughter-out-law. I had gotten my old boots at Funky Monkey, so I went there first. They had the boots, but not the right frilly panties. So I went to the costume shop on Magazine near Napoleon (the old Woolworths). They had the wrong frilly panties also. So I walked to Miss Claudia’s, and they had the perfect frilly panties in all colors and sizes, as well as the boots. They also had chunky “gold” Elvis-like jewelry for B. So, bottom line, just go to Miss Claudia’s.
dept. of how do they get away with it? January 28, 2008
A few weeks ago I heard something on NPR about Angelo Mozilo, the former CEO of Countrywide. I was pretty irked that he was given an enormous golden parachute after he made almost $500 million selling Countrywide stock as he “led” the corporation to its undoing. Now he has given up $37 million of his severance package, including the lifetime free rides on the company airplane. I give him credit for not being completely shameless.
via Eschaton.
nurses, mermaids and goddesses
I had my Diva group over here all day yesterday working on our bustiers for the Divine Protectors of Endangered Pleasures. Our luncheon and promenade is on Friday. We’ll be protecting endangered pleasures starting with cocktails at 11:00 a.m. at Arnaud’s. We have newly-designed Diva beads, which are purple this year, and also Diva bracelets.
I laid my diploma out on the dining room table for everyone to admire and venerate as they entered. The back room and patio were covered in Mardi Gras beads, hot glue guns and ammo. Susan H. and her daughter Audrey, along with Vivian, worked on their “Chicks of the Sea” mermaid outfits. Susan B. is going as “DiVinyl,” with a skirt made of old 45 rpm records and the most incredible, fabulous retro beaded shoes.
Heather is going to be the made-up “Hindu Goddess of Delusion.” I talked her into making a headdress that holds lit incense sticks. Terry is going to be “Dolly Beg Your Pardon,” in a blindingly bright silver and blue bustier with super enhanced fun-bags. Her sister is making her a sheer lace peignoir. Maitri didn’t come over because, in her typically organized fashion, she’s had her bustier finished for weeks. My daughter-out-law, Amy, didn’t make it either because she’s way over there in Lafayette. I’m making her pink and white Candy Stripper bustier for her.
My Florence Nightinjail, Prison Nurse, outfit is shaping up very cartoonishly. I predict people will first laugh, and then run away in fright. Susan got me a very sexy pair of thigh-high stockings with red crosses on them. With my wig, I’ll be about seven feet tall.
B is making his debut as one of our many Elvi. I got him a black Elvis jumpsuit and black cape. He has very good hair, so I think I’ll just spray it black instead of getting him a wig. I got him some gaudy jewelry at Miss Claudia’s, including a necklace with a guitar pendant and a rhinestone pinky ring. I can’t wait to see him in his outfit. It’s important to me that a man be willing to dress up as Elvis Presley in his Vegas jumpsuit period.
It is exhilarating to me to be in a room full of creative, funny women happily working on these elaborate costumes for a one-time deal. Everyone asks “what do you think?” and everyone else is full of great ideas. Heather and Maitri are first-time Divas, and they both jumped in with both feet and came up with wonderful creations.
I also love the reactions of the kids. Heather and Susan have pre-teens and they were bemused at what the grown-ups were getting up to. Heather’s daughter had to make a shoe box Mardi Gras float for school and I had to absolutely zip my mouth and sit on my hands to keep from taking over her whole project. Everyone was laughing at me as I kept blurting out “Oooh! Oooh! Olivia, HERE’S what you should do…” It looks like I am never going to outgrow my childish delight in making Mardi Gras.
Heather said, as I have often thought, “what do people do when they live somewhere else?” Poor people. I feel so sorry for them. February 5 is just going to be another Tuesday. And, even worse, February 1 won’t be Diva Day. They have no one to protect their endangered pleasures!
keep bailing January 27, 2008
B and I were discussing which foreign language kids should learn in school. In spite of our preference for French here, I said I think Spanish is the most practical. He said, “I think they need to learn Chinese.”
“Why? That’s too hard.”
“But they will need to speak to their overlords.”
At first I burst out laughing. Then I said, “that’s not funny.”
the doctah is in January 25, 2008
Guess what came in the mail today? My diploma! For some reason, this has made me giddy. I knew that I graduated, my grades were good, but seeing my name spelled out on the sheepskin somehow makes it more real. So, yeah, I’m a Juris Doctor now, it says so right here. Take two of these, read the fine print and call me in the morning.
checks in the mail? January 24, 2008
I don’t know much about economics, and I’m just as happy as anyone to get a check in the mail, but I wish someone more knowledgeable would explain to me what this is all about. I am getting a whiff of desperation from it, like the grown-ups have screwed up big time and they know it. This is about one-half a mortgage payment or month’s rent for the average person. For people who are struggling, it won’t make much of a difference. I understand that we are all meant to rush right out and spend our government checks at Walmart or Harrah’s, but what happens after this “stimulus” works its way through the system and disappears to the same place where the rest of the money has gone to?
Also, this will add to our ballooning national deficit that we’ve been running since Ronald Reagan was president (but which did not increase during the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad Clinton years). That means my grandson will have to pay it back with interest. I feel like the government is trying to tell me that if I don’t go out and buy cheap plastic goo-gaws now, my grandson will have to grow up in a world without cheap plastic goo-gaws. For some reason, that’s not what keeps me up at night. So, anyway, should I be thinking about withdrawing my chump change from Capital One and sewing it up in my mattress? I mean, what’s going on here?
gentilly girl: hold your fire! January 23, 2008
I’m worried that I am going to be responsible for Gentilly Girl getting sent to Death Row. I wrote recently about Louisiana’s “shoot the intruder” law, and now Gentilly is hoping that Fred Radtke will come onto her property with his grey paint roller so that she can shoot him. Gentilly - put down the gun and back slowly away from the door! You can’t shoot the intruder unless you REASONABLY BELIEVE he is trying to get into your house. Now that we know what Fred is all about, we can’t reasonably believe he is trying to get in and harm us. We know that he just wants to cover us up with grey paint in order to mark his territory. I’m sorry for getting your hopes up, Gentilly. Perhaps you could fire a shot over his head and scare the shit out of him. If you are a good markswoman, you could shoot the paint roller out of his hand. Actually, the appropriate punishment for Radtke would be to shoot him with a paint ball gun loaded with grey paint balls.
Our bar review last night was about constitutional criminal procedure. I realized again how much I hate the term “illegal alien.” Can’t we come up with something less crazy-sounding? For example, if the police have a search warrant that says they are searching for “illegal aliens,” they can’t look into any containers that are not big enough to reasonably hide an “illegal alien.” So, they can’t look into handbags, tool boxes, etc. Right away, my mind starts wandering. What if the alien is from a planet where they are shape-shifters? What if they can turn themselves into something really small, like, I don’t know, a dough nut or a lipstick? What then, huh? The law thinks it has an answer for everything, but I’m not so sure.
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